Cloudbusting, Well-being and Kate Bush

So the inspiration for today's blog is the awesome Kate Bush and well-being. Well-being is according to a rather general definition from Oxford English Dictionary,  a 'state of being comfortable, healthy or happy'. Rather than scour various academic texts or the rather wonderful NEF website (which has heaps of stuff on well-being), I have decided to shoot from the hip and take you on a short, pleasant well-being journey.

As a woman, well-being has a particular significance for me, I am old enough to recall the 'well woman's clinics' back in the 70/80's. I never went to one, but as this was during a time when some of my girlfriends were developing their sexual experiences and I had qualified as a nurse, I certainly knew of them.  I remembered them again a couple of years ago when I became interested in healing therapies and got to know other therapists (most of whom were women); the opportunity to discuss health and well-being emerged and I was reminded of the service provided by the well women's clinics all those years ago. I suppose it was also at the back of my mind when I decided to write this blog so women could share knowledge and wisdom about all things female.

When I am not writing this blog I do lots of 'other writing', the 'other writing' is part of my professional life and includes writing up research. Some of my research work in recent years has included wellbeing at work.....and I am rather proud of some work undertaken with colleagues and published recently which has produced a new coaching model that facilitates well-being.

When I reflect on my own being well I know that there have been times, and will be again, where my well-being has not been so good. During these episodes I know now that instead of navigating my way through, I alternated between thriving and failing as if bouncing off some unseen walls. When I surfaced from each experience it was if I had burst through the clouds just as Kate Bush sings about in her gorgeous song Cloudbusting. It is only now that I have learned how to steer that am I able to help others.

Today part of being well included setting myself achievable yet stretching goals, one of which was to resume writing this blog, others were to write a coaching report, contact participants in a research study, pin a work colleague down to a meeting, and to go for a walk in some nearby woods.

This last was my 'reward' for completing the set goals, and forms part of a daily habit of work discipline that ensured I completed my PhD. I have all but achieved everything I set out to do this morning and am really chuffed about adding a significant other. This significant other relates to the goals themselves, as I began the work I became aware that while crossing things off my 'to do' list was rewarding, the process itself could be equally enjoyable if I stopped thinking about how far down the list I had travelled.
I determined to enjoy every last bit of what I set myself and when I did so an element of tension lifted. As I am very much responsible for my own well-being at work I suspect that my well-being improved from there on in.
This my dear women is what I am passing on to you today, in the hurly burly of your working day, identify an aspect over which you have control, re-take that control and you decide how it is going to be. When you do that one small thing your own well-being will improve. Just to help you on your journey have a watch and listen to Kate Bush....it is truly a song to lift you...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRHA9W-zExQ



wishing you well

Dee

Betrayal.............

Betrayal

Betray

1. to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty

2. to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a trust.

3. to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray one's friends.

4. to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.

Last night I lay in bed listening to a sitcom on radio 4 extra, the story was well written, it was funny and it was very well presented by the actors. The underlying them of the sitcom is the betrayal of one married person with another. Besides the actors lines that deliver the plot, the actors also let us in on their inner monologue so that when the wife lies to her husband about her flirtations with a married friend we are privy to her actual thoughts. This theme is carried throughout the sitcom so we also learn of the thoughts of the married man’s wife as she tries to put off the ‘adulteress’ by telling her that her ‘target’ is actually bi-polar. The ‘adulteress’ sees into the ruse and we hear her inner monologue saying ‘she is trying to put me off’.

The sitcom moves on to the ‘adulterer’ sitting in his shed following his intended fling on twitter, sighing at the fact she has just eaten a biscuit, despite the fact he hides away to do this he is not concerned at all that his wife would most certainly be upset by his foolery.

While the behaviour of men as betrayers is interesting in itself, the sitcom led me to think about  the behaviour of women. For some reason many women cling to the belief that other women will, because of some gender bond, act better than their male counterparts when it comes to betrayal. This is nonsense, and it is the women who believe this who are often the most destroyed by female betrayal. For these betrayed women there is a double impact, not only has their spouse behaved like a louse but the ‘other woman’, whether personally known to her or not, has cut her to the heart. Why? Because women know women, they know how deep each wound will cut, they know where to aim each strike, and more often than we want to believe they do not care at all about the effect. 

This is true in love but also true in the workplace….

So…you think you have female colleagues who understand you, who support you, and who will not trample on your dreams? Think again, women in the workplace are just as greedy and self-serving as their male counterparts. Have you ever confided your ideas and plans for a project, an ambition that you have long held dear only to hear your very words spoken in the next meeting by your female colleague who has taken them as her own? Have you ever worked to achieve something near impossible only to have a female colleague ‘step in’ and take it over when all the work is done? This kind of workplace betrayal also rips out your belief in womankind, and leaves you wondering less about the still present ‘glass ceiling’ and more about how on earth you protect yourself from these hyenas.

What about betrayal by women friends? Have you ever been in a situation where in the strictest confidence you have entrusted your friend with something about yourself that you do not want anyone else to know? You have so much trust in your friendship that you tell her your secrets not just because you believe that your friendship will last, but, because you believe that if it doesn’t she will never tell. But she does. This kind of betrayal has a calculated viciousness all of its own because by telling not only is your now ‘ex- friend’ wounding you; she is also encouraging others to share in your misery by enjoying your secrets as a morsel of gossip.

The last female betrayal, and perhaps worst is those of kin, where your own blood betrays you. Betrayal may come in the form of cruel disclosure or even as sexual predator over your husband, history is rife with women who have happily shoved their sisters aside for some reward (Ann Boleyn springs to mind here). Your actual blood sister will know you as she knows herself, to betray in this context is the ultimate use of betrayal as a strategy for survival.

Which brings me to think about betrayal as a strategy for survival. Whatever the ‘prize’ the betrayer is after, the act of betraying is to give oneself an advantage over another woman; the fact that this involves betraying another woman is of no consequence, the prize is all. I appreciate that this posting presents a rather bleak picture of women but there is no point in pretending women are all sugar and spice. We are not.   

So what are we going to do about it?

The first place to start is with yourself….I’d like to hear from all you women out there, hear your stories of betrayal and what you did about it. Send me your wisdom so we can all learn.