Betrayal
Betray
1. to deliver or expose to an enemy by treachery or disloyalty
2. to be unfaithful in guarding, maintaining, or fulfilling: to betray a
trust.
3. to disappoint the hopes or expectations of; be disloyal to: to betray
one's friends.
4. to reveal or disclose in violation of confidence: to betray a secret.
Last night I lay in bed
listening to a sitcom on radio 4 extra, the story was well written, it was
funny and it was very well presented by the actors. The underlying them of the
sitcom is the betrayal of one married person with another. Besides the actors
lines that deliver the plot, the actors also let us in on their inner monologue
so that when the wife lies to her husband about her flirtations with a married
friend we are privy to her actual thoughts. This theme is carried throughout
the sitcom so we also learn of the thoughts of the married man’s wife as she
tries to put off the ‘adulteress’ by telling her that her ‘target’ is actually
bi-polar. The ‘adulteress’ sees into the ruse and we hear her inner monologue
saying ‘she is trying to put me off’.
The sitcom moves on to the ‘adulterer’
sitting in his shed following his intended fling on twitter, sighing at the
fact she has just eaten a biscuit, despite the fact he hides away to do this he
is not concerned at all that his wife would most certainly be upset by his
foolery.
While the behaviour of men
as betrayers is interesting in itself, the sitcom led me to think about the behaviour of women.
For some reason many women cling to the belief that other women will, because of
some gender bond, act better than their male counterparts when it comes to
betrayal. This is nonsense, and it is the women who believe this who are often
the most destroyed by female betrayal. For these betrayed women there is a
double impact, not only has their spouse behaved like a louse but the ‘other
woman’, whether personally known to her or not, has cut her to the heart. Why? Because
women know women, they know how deep each wound will cut, they know where to
aim each strike, and more often than we want to believe they do not care at all
about the effect.
This is true in love but
also true in the workplace….
So…you think you have
female colleagues who understand you, who support you, and who will not trample
on your dreams? Think again, women in the workplace are just as greedy and
self-serving as their male counterparts. Have you ever confided your ideas and
plans for a project, an ambition that you have long held dear only to hear your
very words spoken in the next meeting by your female colleague who has taken
them as her own? Have you ever worked to achieve something near impossible only
to have a female colleague ‘step in’ and take it over when all the work is done?
This kind of workplace betrayal also rips out your belief in womankind, and
leaves you wondering less about the still present ‘glass ceiling’ and more
about how on earth you protect yourself from these hyenas.
What about betrayal by
women friends? Have you ever been in a situation where in the strictest
confidence you have entrusted your friend with something about yourself that
you do not want anyone else to know? You have so much trust in your friendship that
you tell her your secrets not just because you believe that your friendship will last,
but, because you believe that if it doesn’t she will never tell. But she does.
This kind of betrayal has a calculated viciousness all of its own because by
telling not only is your now ‘ex- friend’ wounding you; she is also encouraging
others to share in your misery by enjoying your secrets as a morsel of gossip.
The last female betrayal,
and perhaps worst is those of kin, where your own blood betrays you. Betrayal
may come in the form of cruel disclosure or even as sexual predator over your
husband, history is rife with women who have happily shoved their sisters aside
for some reward (Ann Boleyn springs to mind here). Your actual blood sister
will know you as she knows herself, to betray in this context is the ultimate
use of betrayal as a strategy for survival.
Which brings me to think
about betrayal as a strategy for survival. Whatever the ‘prize’ the betrayer is
after, the act of betraying is to give oneself an advantage over another woman;
the fact that this involves betraying another woman is of no consequence, the
prize is all. I appreciate that this posting presents a rather bleak picture of
women but there is no point in pretending women are all sugar and spice. We are
not.
So what are we going to do
about it?
The first place to start is
with yourself….I’d like to hear from all you women out there, hear your stories
of betrayal and what you did about it. Send me your wisdom so we can all learn.
