Monday 11 November 2013

The Waiting Crossroads

Today's posting is inspired by this quip of comedian Lily Tomlin.

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realise I should have been more specific".

The reason that his has inspired me is that I find myself at yet another crossroads and uncharacteristically find myself stopping and thinking about which way to go next. This crossroads that I find myself at is one I have taken to calling the 'waiting crossroads' simply because it is one that requires the traveller to wait.
To date the paths I have chosen to take in life have been lit by an intuitive lamp, the light from the lamp helped me to see something that I became interested in and so pursued. The pursuing has usually involved a lot of hard work but the opportunity to pursue has always been there. So for example many years ago I studied nursing and became a nurse, I worked hard. I became interested in law, I studied law and became a lawyer.  I worked hard. I became interested in teaching, I studied teaching and became a teacher. I worked hard. I became interested in research and I studied for a Masters degree in Philosophy and followed this up by a PhD. I worked hard. I developed an interest in learning from errors and coaching. I studied coaching and became a coach. I worked hard.

All of the times I became interested in something I realise that I had arrived at a crossroads on the path that I had chosen for myself. By reaching a crossroads I had the opportunity to carry on the path I walked on or try a different path. You can see from the story I have just told you that I have always chosen a different path, the path of the unfamiliar.
Standing at the crossroads this time it is as if the roads I have travelled all converge in this one place, and that to go on I must once again choose but choose with the benefit of hindsight and not foresight. This time though I have not had the instinctive lamp to light the way, instead I have no lamp. So I ask myself this question, if all of the paths lead to here where or what is here? Who am I? 
I am comfortable with the process of self-reflection and am even getting good at being in the here and now or 'mindfulness' that is lauded as the way to make sense of our complex and changing lives. But these activities do not seem to bring about the clarity that it is I need to choose a path to walk down. It seems that as well as allowing myself to sit here in the present I also need to immerse myself in the choices so far made in order to see the pattern, and by doing so I will be able to either add to the existing pattern or change it completely.
Sitting still is not in my nature, I am a woman of action, I am challenged by the stillness by having to wait. Initially I ran down lots of paths because the stopping and staying still was too difficult, this led to lots of cul-de-sacs and a whole heap of frustration. But now I am waiting. I sit at my crossroads and I wait and I trust that the next path will become apparent but will only become apparent if I wait.
 



Going back to Lily Tomlin, this waiting crossroads is one that allows you to be more specific. It is one you come to only after you have chosen many others. So my women friends the wisdom I can offer to you from my experience is this, when you do not know which path to take do not take one. The waiting crossroads is one of importance.This is unlike others. This one requires you to stop and wait. Eventually the path that is for you will become clear. Then you should proceed.
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